We’ll see each other tonight, after work.” “‘Don’t talk like that, Father.’ I was on the verge of breaking into sobs.At that moment, the others did not matter! They had not written me down.” My head was spinning: you are too skinny… you are too weak… you are too skinny, you are good for the ovens…” As I swallowed my ration of soup, I turned that act into a symbol of rebellion, or protest against Him.” And then, there was no longer any reason for me to fast. First of all, to please my father who had forbidden me to do so.
In the midst of these men assembled for prayer, I felt like an observer, a stranger” I was nothing but ashes now, but I felt to myself to be stronger than this Almighty to whom my life had been bound for so long. My eyes had opened and I was alone, terribly alone in a world without God, without man. But now, I no longer pleaded for anything. In those days, I fully believed that the salvation of the world depended on every one of my deeds, on every one of my prayers. “I knew that my sins grieved the Almighty and so I pleaded for forgiveness.But look at these men whom You have betrayed, allowing them to be tortured, slaughtered, and burned, what do they do? They pray before You! They praise Your name!” When Sodom lost Your favor, You caused the heavens to rain down fire and damnation. When You were displeased by Noah’s generation, You brought down the Flood. When Adam and Eve deceived You, You chased them from paradise. “And I, the former mystic, was thinking: Yes, man is stronger, greater than God.Because He caused thousands of children to burn in His mass graves? Because He kept six crematoria working day and night, including Sabbath and the Holy Days? Because in His great might, He had created Auschwitz, Birkenau, Buna, and so many other factories of death? How could I say to Him: Blessed be Thou, Almighty, Master of the Universe, who chose us among all nations to be tortured day and night, to watch as our fathers, our mothers, our brothers end up in the furnaces? Praised be Thy Holy Name, for having chosen us to be slaughtered on Thine altar?” “Blessed be God’s name? Why, but why would I bless Him? Every fiber in me rebelled.How do You compare to this stricken mass gathered to affirm to You their faith, their anger, their defiance? What does Your grandeur mean, Master of the Universe, in the face of this cowardice, this decay, and this misery? Why do you do on troubling these poor people’s wounded minds, their ailing bodies?”
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